“Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual.”
– Scott Westerfeld
Bullshit. Life does come with an instruction manual. You’ve got it in your possession right now. Everyone does. Go ahead, look around your house. Can’t find any book titled “Life’s Instruction Manual?” It’s not a little pamphlet, it’s a really thick book. Find it? Maybe you above the fridge you’re too short to see into. Why don’t you check there? No luck?
If you can’t find the manual itself, then maybe you can recognize its effects in your life. Here’s what to look for:
- Expressions of disgust
- Failed friendships
- Road rage
- Irrational people
- Estranged family members
- Law suits
- Punch-ups at bars and weddings
- Giving someone the finger
- Outrage at your Home Owners Association meeting over the color of patio furniture
Despite clear and detailed instructions, your Life’s Instruction Manual is a source of destruction. You see, the only life that your manual doesn’t provide instructions for is your own https://weedy.com/strains/hybrid/birthday-cake-kush http://allweednews.com/marijuana-industry-pitfalls-and-hidden-secrets/2/ https://allweednews.com/weed-industry-regulation-helps-solve-california-environmental-problems/2/ testtest testtest.
Do as I say, not as I do. Am I right?
The Top 9 Reasons to Burn Your Life’s Instruction Manual
Your Life Instruction Manual isn’t helping anyone. Here’s the ten reasons to burn it.
1. One out of Ten
Who gave you the authority to dictate how someone else acts? I think his name starts with an “N”… that’s right: NO ONE. Would you take driving lessons from the guy in neon-pee-yellow BMW next to you on the freeway? Probably not. He wouldn’t take them from you either. So before you grade his merging skills “1 Burger King crown off and sit back down. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because you have no authority.
2. Pee colored BMW’s
There are some values in society your manly bits, society has overruled you. Most of society’s values are pretty clear, nearly always with a law or regulation of some sort. However, your Life Instruction Manual is far more opaque, because it is the result of your personal values. News flash: most of your personal values aren’t shared by the rest of the world. The thicker your Instruction Manual gets, the more personal opinions are added into it.
Do you own a pee colored BMW M3? Your driving skills aside (see above), I think you’ve purchsed the ugliest car on the planet. Your inappropriate use of money is evidence that you are too irresponsible to be allowed to drive, be employed, or to be trusted with children. Disagree with me? I don’t give a shit. You probably don’t give a shit about people with pee colored M3’s. I don’t give a shit that you don’t give a shit.
There’s a cool, mathematical way to calculate how many people don’t give a shit about your opinion. Just follow this simple equation:
[The Population of the World] – 1 = [Number of people who don’t give a shit about your opinion]
To summarize, no one cares what the hell you like or don’t like. It’s a personal opinion. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because your opinions only matter to you.
3. Grandmas and neck tattoos
Have you ever seen old people get victimized at a restaurant? The scene goes like this: as the waitress walks by, the old woman leans to the old man and says “I just can’t believe that she’s got a tattoo on her kind of parents must she have?” These grandparents were shocked, disgusted, and disappointed in the waitress. The waitress caused these nice people to feel these negative emotions. Shame on that waitress!
The grandparents are victims of the waitress’s tattoo! But only because a neck tattoo violates granny’s Life Instruction Manual. Other people in the restaurant might dig the tattoo. Like most things in life, neck tattoos are a personal choice. So is victimization. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because victimization is a choice.
4. Don’t store your wife’s jewelry on the sidewalk
Until that guy in the piss yellow M3 cut me off, I didn’t even notice him. It wasn’t until he arrogantly cut across my lane that I even realized that he existed. Then, just like that, I made that asshole responsible for my happiness! I instantly went from total zen master to . Why the hell would I trust that jerk with my happiness? Your Life Instruction Manual puts the rest of the world in charge of your happiness. I wouldn’t post my bank account passwords online, leave my car keys in the ignition, or store my wife’s jewelry on the sidewalk. So why would I put something more valuable in the hands of the strangers around me! Trust is a precious commodity. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because your happiness is too valuable to put into the hands of total strangers. (Edit: my wife informed me that her jewelry is, in fact, more valuable than my happiness.)
5. Yes sir
When someone violates our Instruction Manual, the source of our victimization is disrespect. Disrespect means that we react in a negative way because we feel the other person doesn’t accept us. We feel unaccepted because they fail to appreciate our ideas, opinions, and feelings. Think about it: the jerk in the pee car? He doesn’t respect my opinion about how he should be driving. (But I’m definitely justified in outrage over the color of his car. You simply don’t get a car that color unless you want to terrorize peoples’ eyes.) Seriously, do I even want acceptance from a guy like that?
When do you feel like you’ve been respected? When someone acts in a manner you expect. They hold the door for you. They say “sir” and “ma’am.” All that means is that they are doing what you expect of them. It doesn’t mean that they are respectful or accept you. Behind the “respectful” act, they may wish you dead! Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because getting what you expect is much different than respect.
6. It’s what’s for dinner
Then there’s the people that don’t go unnoticed. They are the people at the center of our lives. The ones we love dearly. Those are the ones that our Life’s Instruction Manual hurts the most. Allow me to paint a picture for you:
Bob’s wife Lynn asks him “where do you want to go to dinner?” Bob replies “I don’t care, wherever you want.” Lynn wants sushi. They go to a sushi restaurant. Halfway through the meal, Lynn asks Bob “what’s wrong, Bob? You haven’t touched your food. Why are you being so quiet?” Bob, swigs the last of his Sapporo and unloads: “What’s wrong? You know I hate fish, Lynn! Plus, of all the damn restaurants we could have gone to you choose this one! The service here is terrible!”
Apparently, Lynn forgot to read the chapter on restaurants in Bob’s Life Instruction manual. If she did, she’d know “If ‘I say I don’t care,’ it doesn’t mean I don’t care! It means that I really want Mexican food. But only at 6:08pm on August 2nd of 2015. Please refer to Appendix J for my preferences on other dates and times.” Because these preferences weren’t communicated, Bob felt unaccepted by Lynn. His reaction made Lynn feel lied to, disrespected, and unloved by Bob. Bob’s reaction to an innocent act by Lynn left both of them feeling much further apart.
The closer we are to someone, the thicker their chapter in our Instruction Manual. We add more and more preferences to their chapter. And when they don’t act according to our manual, we interpret it as a violation of our relationship. A violation of our love. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because its rules destroy love, not prove it.
What does your Life Instruction Manual say? Some people are too tall? Too Old? Too blonde? Too Laotian? Maybe it says that men are smarter than women, or that certain races are better at geometry. But what about when it’s wrong? Remember when you thought you hated German food, but then you had that one dish that you can’t pronounce? Now you love German food. Had you not ended your blitzkrieg against germanic cuisine, your love for fleischkuechle wouldn’t have blossomed.
If you’ve ever dealt with any sort of stage lighting, then you’ve seen “gels.” Gels are thin sheets of colored plastic that are placed over a stage light to change its color. You’ve probably noticed them at concerts. All the different colored lights above the stage, each one has a gel over it to produce red, blue, and so on. You can get creative with gels, stacking them to create different colors. After just a few gel’s are stacked on top of the light, all light is obscured and no light can get through. Your Life Instruction Manual works like this. The thicker it is, the more obscured the world becomes. Eventually, because you have an opinion on every damn thing around you, nothing actually gets through! You judge everyone and everything by your rules and there’s no chance for any of their light to reach you. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because prejudice is never cool.
8. Speedos and heroin
Lots of jobs have dress codes. For instance, in some offices you’ve got to wear pants and close-toed shoes, but the rest is up to you. In others, no jeans or t-shirts are allowed. Either way, the rationale is to use clothing to demonstrate that professionalism is valued in the workplace. On the flip-side, there’s uniforms. Uniforms are a strict control of exactly what you’re allowed to wear. The entire outfit must fit precise specifications. The dress code employs guidelines to express a value, whereas the dress codes are prescriptive and exacting.
In life, it’s okay to have a dress code for people. Not an actual dress code, but an understanding of what is acceptable and what is not. Your office dress code requires no t-shirts or shorts, but you show up in a tank top and a speedo. Your boss may determine that you’re too far outside of the dress code to stay in the office. There was no rule against speedos. There didn’t need to be. Your boss knew the risk when he saw it.
Then there are the times when a racist heroin addict shows up in your life. At that time, you may determine that they are too far outside of your values to allow into your life. You don’t have a rule against racist heroin addicts, you just assess the situation when you see one. A speedo-wearing coworker poses a risk of disrupting an office, just like a racist heroin addict can disrupt your life. You don’t need a rule against speedos or heroin addicts, you just need some objective common sense. Some things you just don’t risk.
Uniforms aren’t cool because they only serve one purpose: to control. You’ve seen plenty of people in uniforms. Companies prescribe uniforms to control their image. They do this by strictly limiting the differences between their employees’ appearance. Ever met someone that has prescriptive and controlling views for every person they meet? It’s as though they want everyone they in everyone. But often this isn’t the case. They don’t look for the negatives in others. These folks just can’t see other peoples’ light because they have filtered it out completely. Burn Life’s Instruction Manual because objectivity and common sense trumps rules.
9. A bird in the hand
Back to the asshole in the
pee car Beemer in item #1. While screaming at him, leaning half your body out the window to make sure he sees the bird in your hand, you cross three lanes of traffic and nearly cause 12 accidents. Ever see that play out on the freeway? No? Then you haven’t driven in LA. The point is, while you’re worried about his intra-lane transgression, your driving sucks.
The standards that we hold other people up to are often the standards of our own that we aren’t meeting. Last time you bought a new car, do you remember how you suddenly started seeing your new car everywhere? It’s as if every 3rd car you pass is the same model you just bought. (You’re also going to start noticing after reading this.) Whether you are conscious of it, when you’re insecure of your own shortcomings, you identify them in others. Shitty driver? You see shitty drivers. Afraid of being different? You see neck tattoos. Unable to communicate with others? You get upset with other people’s communication styles.
When you’re getting upset, angry, frustrated, sad, or just pissed source of your own.